Penny for your Thoughts

I hate to be cynical, and I'm not saying these problems don't exist..
But honestly, if a child/person in Africa dies every three seconds, surely they'd no longer exist? And if every single minute, a patch of the rainforest the size of three football pitches is being destroyed, why is there still rainforest left?
I know it's all tugging on the heart strings and everything else, but honestly, some of it is so far-fetched. There's also the matter of the fact that apparently Sky or Oxfam or whoever else can't afford to save [insert cause here], but can afford to broadcast their adverts on over 1000 channels (Freeview, Sky, Virgin Media, etc.) at different points in the day, sometimes up to 20 times a day.

It just makes you think, really.

Once, twice, three times...

You never forget your first love. You can get over them, stop having feelings for them... But there's always going to be that little part of you that always holds on to them, that quietly hopes that things will go back to how they were. But sometimes it makes you feel so shitty... You just want to cry.
There's a nostalgia surrounding that person, so many memories that live in your heart, and you sometimes wonder if you're ever going to look at them and not straight away have that little bit of heartache, that sudden and split-second longing. When I think back to my ex, or I talk to her, I am able to seperate the emotions I used to have for her... but not always straight away. Sometimes, literally for a second, I almost fall in love with her again.

In a way, when it happens to me, I feel almost unfaithful to my current girlfriend. I am in love with her, there is no doubt about that, she is everything that I have ever searched for. Even if she is "damaged", even if she does fuck up more than the average joe. She is mine, and I am hers, and I am hers, and she is mine. And that is how it is, how it should be, how it will be.

I don't remember the original intention of this post. Not properly. C'est la vie.

I suppose I should probably get off of the computer and go love my girlfriend in the way she deserves, the way I try to every single day. If you're reading this, darling, I love you.

Shut up, Brian.

You know when you have "voices" in your head? But they're not voices, they're really just you...
"She deserves better." "Leave now."
You're second-guessing yourself at every step, but you can't tell anyone because no one will ever properly understand, and you're not even sure how to explain it.
And the doubt becomes so intense, so real, you wonder where you stop and these "voices" start.
Maybe I'm just too empathetic, and my girlfriends strange mood is rubbing off on me. I know there's something bothering her that she won't tell me about- I don't know why she won't tell me, and I don't know how I know that something's going on... I just do.
There's no point in me asking her, 'coss she just says she's fine and I have to pretend like I believe her.
Tellmetellmetellme...